I was just reading Chapter 8 - A Battle to Fight - The Enemy, from John Eldredge's "Wild at Heart". He had some very good points which forced me to self-examine myself, and the sin in my life. .
He says in the book, that Jesus warns against anything that gives a false sense of power. Jesus said clearly to His disciples that those who want to become great, must make themselves less. They must consider others better than themselves and put others before themselves. Along these lines, the book asked me to reflect on two things. First, where do I get my sense of power from, and second, how would I feel/view myself if tomorrow I was to lose those feelings of power?
As I contemplate, I have to admit some shameful things. I get my feelings of power from the same things that the world says we should get our feelings of power. I like the fact that I have achieved minor success in golf, and that people have shown me respect for it. I like the fact that I am a teacher, because it is a respectable profession in the eyes of many. I like when I am commended for work that I do in the classroom. I appreciate when people commend me for the type of teacher I am, I feed off of it. When I think about these truths though, I realize how shameful this is, for nowhere am I indicating that I get any feelings of strength from glorifying God. All my feelings of strength come from how the world responds to the things that I have achieved. If I am truly seeking to make Jesus the Lord of my life, then it must be Him alone that I am doing these things for (Colossians 3:23). And to make matters worse, it has always been very clear to me that I have never accomplished anything in my life on my own. Although I have worked hard for certain things, anything good that I have ever accomplished has come from God choosing to bless me. How shameful it is that I accept God's blessings, and then seek the praise of people, rather than seeking to glorify the One that made it all possible. I have made it a habit in my life to accept God's blessings and use them for my glory rather than His. Yes, I do thank Him for the blessings, but then I relish in the praise of people. I get feelings of worth and strength from this, but it needs to stop immediately.
Eldredge's book states, "Without Christ a man must fail miserably, or succeed even more miserably". How true this is. Like I stated before, I have always realized that apart from God I can do nothing, for all good things I have ever accomplished have come from Him choosing to bless me and from Him allowing them to be accomplished in my life. He has provided me the strength, ability, circumstances and general blessings to allow them to happen, but I want to stop succeeding miserably, and start doing so righteously. The following are the things I feel I need to change in order to make this happen. I realize however that I may be mistaken with some of this, but I'm thankful that God is not limited by my mistakes and I have faith that as I seek to glorify Him through these changes, that He will continually guide me and mold me to become the man He calls me to.
I need to stop caring about what people think, and focus solely on what God thinks. I exist for His glory, not my own. Even as I write this I am constantly wondering to myself, "I wonder if people will like this? I hope they do like it, I hope they tell me they like it, and I hope they respect me more and view me better because of it". I am a messed up individual. My mind is so wrapped around what other people will think, rather than being completely focused on what the God of the universe - the One who made all people, and controls all things - thinks. God, please change my way of thinking to be focused on pleasing you, not pleasing others as a means of pleasing myself and making myself feel worthwhile and strong. I am nothing apart from you, and I want to glorify you. "You must become greater, I must become less" (John 3:30). Help me to always realize that the true path to strength and significance is to make myself a servant, just like Jesus did. Help me to realize that the true way to become great is to place others before myself and serve them.
I am excited to try and make these changes. I know it will be a process, probably a lifelong one, but I look forward to seeking to glorify God in all that I do. I look forward to striving to focus solely on pleasing Him and thinking only of what He thinks. And I look forward to the satisfaction, strength, peace and joy that I know will come from doing so, for I have never regretted doing anything that God has called me to.
