Marriage

On Valentines day, my wife Brie and I went and saw the movie "The Vow".  Although the movie was not the typical "everything is perfect in their relationship" story that you can often see in romantic movies, it did get me thinking about love.  We can be very quick to say that the love we see in movies can only be seen in these scripts, but that is simply not true.  We can experience this love ourselves.  It takes a lot of effort, but if we are truly devoted to each other, why wouldn't we put forth that effort?  Why wouldn't we want to have an incredibly exciting love story - the type God wants for us to have.  The reason why we feel good watching these movies is because we get a glimpse of what God meant for marriage to be like - how He has designed for us to experience it.  We want it, and the truth is that we can have it, if we are willing to work for it.

The book Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon) in the Bible also paints a picture of how God means for marriage to be experienced, and it is a love which all should desire.  It is a love full of excitment and joy.  It is a love where husbands and wives are completely devoted to one another, where they take seriously the promises made in their vows on their wedding day, where they lay down their lives for each other - never looking for ways to please ourselves, but rather seeking to serve each other in any ways possible.  This is the type of love which we see in movies like "The Vow" and books like Song of Songs.  Once again, the reason why we find them so exciting and inspiring, is because deep down we have a longing to experience this love ourselves, and the longing comes from the God who created us.  He designed us to be most fullfilled in our love lives when we experience it the way He designed for us to.  We will only ever find the greatest degree of fullfillment when we love in the ways which He calls us to love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 further spells out what love is:

" ⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

And Ephesians 5:25-30 provides further insight into God's guidance and expectations:

" ²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^{[b] 27} He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ²⁹ No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ³⁰ And we are members of his body."

 Husbands have a tremendous responsibility.  We are called to sacrifice our lives for our wives, and do to so willingly, even to the point of death.  This is a non-stop, no resting commitment.  We are called to be laying down our lives for our wives.  Does this require hard work and dedication?  Absolutely it does, but the benefits that come from doing so last a lifetime.  The sad thing is that too often we choose not to put forth the effort that is required and as a result we miss out tremendously.  I'm definitely guilty of this, but because I love God, because I love my wife and because I want both Brie and I to experience the greatest love imaginable for our entire lives, it is my goal to sacrifice myself for her.  It is my goal to continually hold myself accountable to love her and devote myself to her in these ways.  And this should not sound like, "I'll do it because I have to".  The reason why I'll do it is because I love her, I want what's best for her, and I'm excited to experience love with her the way that God designed for us to experience it.  I married her due to this love and excitement, and I intend to spend my life pursuing this love, not wasting my life and missing out.  It's a privilege to be her husband and I never want to take her, and the love she has for me, for granted.  I want her to fall more in love with me every day, just like I fall more in love with her every day, but I can't expect that to happen if I am not pursuing her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the rest of my life. 

I never want to get sucked into the false belief that this type of love is unrealistic.  The fact of the matter is that we can all experience this type of love, and it comes from being sold out to the guidelines that God has so graciously laid out for us in His Word.

Something which hurts so many marriages nowadays is the media and their warped views of what love is.  What our world has bought into is the false misconception that lust is what true love looks like.  Because of this too many men and women look at people other than their spouse, compare them to their spouse, and fantasize and lust after what they believe would make them happy.  They believe that true love means constant lusting after their spouse and that if this isn't happening, then they must not be in love anymore.  This leads to adultery and divorce.  When you examine these trends it is clear how misguided we really are.  True love is described in the verses above.  It is where we make a commitment to love our spouse no matter what "until death do us part".  It is where we recognize the fact that love is not lust, that love is just as much a decision as it is a feeling.  And the truth that we often fail to realize is that the exciting feelings that come with love are not as a result of lust, and they cannot be forced.  Rather, they are as a result of choosing to be committed to your spouse and choosing to love them no matter what life throws at you.  When you are truly committed to your spouse in this way, this is what brings excitement, this is what brings the butterflies in your stomach, this is what brings joy and fullfillment in love and marriage.  Yes, when you started dating your spouse you had those feelings of excitement that came from a new and exciting relationship, and no, those feelings won't be there every single day for the rest of your life.  They will still be there, just not at every moment like you might want them to be.  That was "new" love.  As you live fully committed to your spouse, that love changes into "old" love.  When new love becomes old love, that is the best type of love, because it is based off of commitment to God and each other.  It is based off of a committment to love no matter what for the rest of your life.  It is based off of true love, not lust.  As the Bible says, "Love never fails" (1 Corintians 13:8), but our society proves that lust always fails because lust is not love, and certainly not a foundation to build any relationship on.

Due to the fact that our world is so geared toward lust, we need to always ensure that we are keeping our guard up.  Too often I've heard men, as well as women, make comments such as, "You can look at the menu, as long as you don't eat from it".  This is lust.  This is in no way keeping the commitment you made to your spouse on your wedding day.  And this is in no way beneficial to your marriage because you are adding thoughts to your marriage of people other than your spouse.  When you add such lustful thoughts you will never be able to respond to your spouse sexually, or in any other form of love, in a way that is healthy.  Instead you will always feel like you are spinning your wheels in your marriage and wondering why your marriage is not growing and becoming what you've hoped and dreamed it would be.  If we truly want to have the marriage that we've always dreamed of, if we truly meant the promises we made in our vows on our wedding day, then we will guard our hearts and minds and in doing so turn and run from any thoughts or feelings about anyone other than our spouse.  Will this be hard, yes, because Satan will always try and tempt you, but God says in the book of James that, "God will never allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear", and he also tells us that if we, "Resist the devil, he will flee from you" and that if we instead draw near to God, "He will draw near to us".  Therefore, yes this will be hard work, but God is with us and He wants what's best for us.  And if we want what is best for us and our spouse, then we will make the effort to love our spouse as God has designed for us to, and when we do so, we have a whole lot of excitement to look forward to.  True excitement!

Thank you God for the model you've provided in your Word which allows us to have that love which many believe "can only be seen in movies".

Dealing with Temptation

I've often heard it said that a great way to combat temptation is to view the tempation as God does - see it from His perspective and deal with it as He would have you.  I like this saying, but it is easier said then done.

It can be very easy to view situations which are tempting and say something like, "God doesn't like that because it draws my attention away from Him and hurts others as well as myself".  It is one thing to have such knowledge, but we must do more than just recall information when resisting temptation.  To truly view the temptation from God's perspective does not simply mean to know how God feels about it, but it means to actually feel ourselves as He feels toward tempations.  If we are truly viewing temptation from God's perspective then we will actually feel the sickness and disgust that He sees in all the things that draw us further from Himself.

Part of feeling as He does toward sin is to really examine the sin.  We need to look at all it's parts, including how it affects God and those around us.  Many times we know a temptation is wrong, but because we are being selfish, we only view it from our own pespective; and that perspective is one which has us desiring in some way shape or form to give in...hence the term "temptation".  But when we sit back and view the situation through God's eyes, rather than our own, we can get a more clear perspective.  Another strategy is to look at the situation from the perspective of someone else commiting the sinful act.  Sometimes that can help us gain increased clarity on how foolish it really would be for us to give in, because we see how disgusting it is when someone else gives in.

In general, sin hurts God, and if we truly love God, we should be running from all forms of it.  We should not be sitting around contemplating how we could manage to "give in", for when we do we are hurting ourselves.  God wants what is best for us, and He knows what is best for us.  It is imperative that we resist temptations and run toward the things that He says is right, for we will always benefit from doing so.

I feel it is important to remember, that any time we are not greatly bothered by sin and temptation, then we have not accurately viewed the situation from God's perspective.

Do Not Be Anxious, Just Work Hard and Trust God For All Results

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
(Proverbs 3:5,6)

"Dedicate all you do to the Lord and your plans will succeed."
(Proverbs 16:3)

These are notes that I took at church today from a message by the Pastor, Rick Buck.  I really appreciated how he addressed this issue of worry and ambition as it is spelled out by God, in the Bible.

Many times people worry about their futures.  Whether it be about not being successful, or bad things happening, they worry.  God tells us we are not to worry, but rather we are to trust in Him, allowing Him to guide us.  He calls us to surrender all aspects of our lives to Him. 

This can lead people to incorrectly think that in order to be properly surrendered to God, we must sit back and allow God to bring our way whatever He sees fit.  In other words, they think that we should be without ambition in life, because they incorrectly feel that ambition is a sign that they are pursuing their own interests rather than being surrendered compeltely to God. God does not say we should not have ambition, but rather the right kind of ambition.  We are to work hard and make it our ambition to do our best in everything that He brings our way, and to do so with an attitude of dependence and surrender to Him.  Therefore, it is not wrong to be ambitious in life, as long as we have a continual attitude of dependence on God and surrender to Him. 

We are to do our best in all things as an act of worship to Him.  Once we have done our best we are to surrender those efforts to God and allow His will to be done in regards to all the results.

Worry comes as a result of not trusting in, and being completely surrendered to, God.  Life surrendered to God does not bring stress but rather a life of peace.  In being completely surrendered, we know that God is in control and that even if bad or stressful things happen, we can find peace knowing that He holds our situation in His hands, and that He always wants what's best for us.  As Rick Buck said today, "I would rather be in the storm with God than in the sunshine without Him".

When we examine worry, it is easy to see that it is pointless and nonsensical.  After all, much of what we worry about doesn't actually end up happening, or it has happened in the past and cannot be changed but only learned from.  And many people also tend to worry about health issues, but worry negatively affects health.  Worrying never changes anything in positive ways, only negative.  Worry just never makes sense.

I feel the following poem grants further insight into this topic:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Paul Henderson Message

Today I had the opportunity to listen to Paul Henderson speak about a variety of issues; including the 1972 Summit Series where he scored the greatest goal in Canadian hockey history, his current battle with cancer and how his relationship with God has impacted all areas of his life.  I was very excited to hear him speak, but I gotta say, I didn't expect to be inspired like I was. 

The thing he spoke most about was how thankful he is for his relationship with God.  He was not always a Christian.  It wasn't until 1975 that he decided to follow Jesus.  Because of this he said that he has had the opportunity to live on "both sides of the fence".  He mentioned that there is not much that this world has to offer that he has not experienced in some way shape or form.  With that, he said that he can therefore speak to what it is like to live as a Christian, obtaining fulfillment through God and His ways, and what it is like to seek fulfillment from the things of this world.  He followed this up by stating that he can honestly say that 100% of the time, since becoming a Christian, he has never regretted living for God.  He made it clear that he hasn't always felt like doing things God's way, but he has always been glad when he does.  At the same time, he said that he has 100% of the time always regretted the times when he has messed up and made mistakes because he has failed to do things God's way.  I appreciate what he's saying here, and although I have been a Christian most of my life, I feel the same as him.  It wasn't until after high school that I started getting serious about living the life that God wants for us to live, and since that time, I have always found myself to be most fulfilled when I am seeking after God and striving to obey Him, learn more about Him, and become more like Him through continual relationship with Him.  When people ask me how I know God to be true, I often come back to this point.  I cannot deny these experiences, and I can't see me feeling those ways if God was not real.  As Paul Henderson put it today, we have a God Who created us, Who loves us, and Who knows what's best for us.  It is for this reason that when we accept Him as Savior and Lord, build a relationship with Him and do things His way, we are able to experience true fullfillment and joy - the fullfillment and joy that God wants so desperately for us all to have, and invites each of us to have.  I find it sad that so many people choose to deny Christ and therefore never get to experience this.

Paul also spoke today about the love that he has for his wife Eleanor.  He spoke about how he has always been so in love with her, and that he loves her more now than he ever has.  He said, "When new love becomes old love, that's the best type of love".  I was so encouraged to hear this.  I love my wife Bryane more and more every day, and to hear from someone older that the love that develops as a result of this is "the best kind of love", is excting.  I can't say I am surprised,but it confirms my expectations and fuels my tremendous excitement to spend my life with my beautiful soulmate.

He then went in to speak about his cancer.  He is currently battling a form of Leukemia with no known cure.  Most people would be devestated by such news, but not Paul Henderson.  It was incredibly inspiring to hear him speak about how he is actually thankful in some ways that he developed cancer.  He said that having cancer has, "Allowed me to seperate that which is important and that which is trivial very easily," and that it has also, "Allowed me to experience a greater sense of intimacy with God".  Upon hearing him say these things, I couldn't help but think that I want to live these ways.  I don't want to develop a life-threatening illness, but I do want to live every day with the same attitude as one who is "living like they are dying".  After all, only God knows when we will leave this world, and so I want to make the most of every day that I am given to live for Christ and further His Kingdom and purposes here on earth - all for His glory and honor.  I want to experience the greatest sense of intimacy that I possibly can with my Lord and Savior, and living with this attitude will assist me in this. 

Run the Race

"Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.  So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing.  I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should."
(1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

I really like this passage because of the sport imagery.  Living life as a Christian really does involve training.  I have often looked at this verse and appreciated it, but I feel like today was the first time that it really hit me like it should.  If I say that I am a Christian and that I want to live my life for Christ, then I need to live like this verse says to.  I need to train, and work and sweat and do whatever it takes to become more like Jesus.  It will be hard, it will never come easy, but it is definitely worth it - for I am working to glorify God, and in doing so the Bible is clear that God will reward me for my efforts when I get to Heaven.  The world will definitely see me as strange, but I can never care about that.  God has created me for His purposes, and a major part of that is to know Him personally on a very deep level.  I want to make Him proud.  I don't want to be a hypocrite.  I don't want to say that I love Jesus and that He is Lord of all aspects of my life, but then serve Him non-chalantly.  This is a 24/7 commitment....a 24/7 blood, sweat and tears, work my tail off commitment, so as to love, serve and become more like Him.  I am in training, running toward the finish line, running as hard as I can until He alone decides it's time for me to stop.

Welcome Failure

Often times in my life I have feared failure.  I have feared the idea that bad things will come my way.  Today I read an article which helped me recognize to a greater extent exactly why I need to change my perspective on this.  It is very often through failure that God teaches us and molds us into His likeness.  He even allows these difficult times to come our way so that this growth process can occur.  Therefore, if God sees it fit for these things to happen in my life, then who am I to argue?  And why would I fear them if God wants them to happen for my good?  After all, His ways are always best!  Instead of fearing these difficult times, I should actually expect them, and furthermore, welcome them.  This does not mean take them likely, for they are difficult for a reason.  It also does not mean like them; but I should be preparing myself to rely on God and His strength to get through them when they do come, so that I can take full advantage of the opportunity to become more like Christ.

Once again, God allows failure and difficult times in general to come into my life.  Since He sees it fit, and His ways are always best, I should welcome these occurrences, never fear them.  God is with me and has my best interests at heart.  Anything He allows to come my way, He will provide the strength to get through it in a way which brings glory to His name.  Praise Him!