The book Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon) in the Bible also paints a picture of how God means for marriage to be experienced, and it is a love which all should desire. It is a love full of excitment and joy. It is a love where husbands and wives are completely devoted to one another, where they take seriously the promises made in their vows on their wedding day, where they lay down their lives for each other - never looking for ways to please ourselves, but rather seeking to serve each other in any ways possible. This is the type of love which we see in movies like "The Vow" and books like Song of Songs. Once again, the reason why we find them so exciting and inspiring, is because deep down we have a longing to experience this love ourselves, and the longing comes from the God who created us. He designed us to be most fullfilled in our love lives when we experience it the way He designed for us to. We will only ever find the greatest degree of fullfillment when we love in the ways which He calls us to love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 further spells out what love is:
" 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
And Ephesians 5:25-30 provides further insight into God's guidance and expectations:
" 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body."
Husbands have a tremendous responsibility. We are called to sacrifice our lives for our wives, and do to so willingly, even to the point of death. This is a non-stop, no resting commitment. We are called to be laying down our lives for our wives. Does this require hard work and dedication? Absolutely it does, but the benefits that come from doing so last a lifetime. The sad thing is that too often we choose not to put forth the effort that is required and as a result we miss out tremendously. I'm definitely guilty of this, but because I love God, because I love my wife and because I want both Brie and I to experience the greatest love imaginable for our entire lives, it is my goal to sacrifice myself for her. It is my goal to continually hold myself accountable to love her and devote myself to her in these ways. And this should not sound like, "I'll do it because I have to". The reason why I'll do it is because I love her, I want what's best for her, and I'm excited to experience love with her the way that God designed for us to experience it. I married her due to this love and excitement, and I intend to spend my life pursuing this love, not wasting my life and missing out. It's a privilege to be her husband and I never want to take her, and the love she has for me, for granted. I want her to fall more in love with me every day, just like I fall more in love with her every day, but I can't expect that to happen if I am not pursuing her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the rest of my life.
I never want to get sucked into the false belief that this type of love is unrealistic. The fact of the matter is that we can all experience this type of love, and it comes from being sold out to the guidelines that God has so graciously laid out for us in His Word.
Something which hurts so many marriages nowadays is the media and their warped views of what love is. What our world has bought into is the false misconception that lust is what true love looks like. Because of this too many men and women look at people other than their spouse, compare them to their spouse, and fantasize and lust after what they believe would make them happy. They believe that true love means constant lusting after their spouse and that if this isn't happening, then they must not be in love anymore. This leads to adultery and divorce. When you examine these trends it is clear how misguided we really are. True love is described in the verses above. It is where we make a commitment to love our spouse no matter what "until death do us part". It is where we recognize the fact that love is not lust, that love is just as much a decision as it is a feeling. And the truth that we often fail to realize is that the exciting feelings that come with love are not as a result of lust, and they cannot be forced. Rather, they are as a result of choosing to be committed to your spouse and choosing to love them no matter what life throws at you. When you are truly committed to your spouse in this way, this is what brings excitement, this is what brings the butterflies in your stomach, this is what brings joy and fullfillment in love and marriage. Yes, when you started dating your spouse you had those feelings of excitement that came from a new and exciting relationship, and no, those feelings won't be there every single day for the rest of your life. They will still be there, just not at every moment like you might want them to be. That was "new" love. As you live fully committed to your spouse, that love changes into "old" love. When new love becomes old love, that is the best type of love, because it is based off of commitment to God and each other. It is based off of a committment to love no matter what for the rest of your life. It is based off of true love, not lust. As the Bible says, "Love never fails" (1 Corintians 13:8), but our society proves that lust always fails because lust is not love, and certainly not a foundation to build any relationship on.
Due to the fact that our world is so geared toward lust, we need to always ensure that we are keeping our guard up. Too often I've heard men, as well as women, make comments such as, "You can look at the menu, as long as you don't eat from it". This is lust. This is in no way keeping the commitment you made to your spouse on your wedding day. And this is in no way beneficial to your marriage because you are adding thoughts to your marriage of people other than your spouse. When you add such lustful thoughts you will never be able to respond to your spouse sexually, or in any other form of love, in a way that is healthy. Instead you will always feel like you are spinning your wheels in your marriage and wondering why your marriage is not growing and becoming what you've hoped and dreamed it would be. If we truly want to have the marriage that we've always dreamed of, if we truly meant the promises we made in our vows on our wedding day, then we will guard our hearts and minds and in doing so turn and run from any thoughts or feelings about anyone other than our spouse. Will this be hard, yes, because Satan will always try and tempt you, but God says in the book of James that, "God will never allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear", and he also tells us that if we, "Resist the devil, he will flee from you" and that if we instead draw near to God, "He will draw near to us". Therefore, yes this will be hard work, but God is with us and He wants what's best for us. And if we want what is best for us and our spouse, then we will make the effort to love our spouse as God has designed for us to, and when we do so, we have a whole lot of excitement to look forward to. True excitement!
Thank you God for the model you've provided in your Word which allows us to have that love which many believe "can only be seen in movies".
And Ephesians 5:25-30 provides further insight into God's guidance and expectations:
" 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body."
Husbands have a tremendous responsibility. We are called to sacrifice our lives for our wives, and do to so willingly, even to the point of death. This is a non-stop, no resting commitment. We are called to be laying down our lives for our wives. Does this require hard work and dedication? Absolutely it does, but the benefits that come from doing so last a lifetime. The sad thing is that too often we choose not to put forth the effort that is required and as a result we miss out tremendously. I'm definitely guilty of this, but because I love God, because I love my wife and because I want both Brie and I to experience the greatest love imaginable for our entire lives, it is my goal to sacrifice myself for her. It is my goal to continually hold myself accountable to love her and devote myself to her in these ways. And this should not sound like, "I'll do it because I have to". The reason why I'll do it is because I love her, I want what's best for her, and I'm excited to experience love with her the way that God designed for us to experience it. I married her due to this love and excitement, and I intend to spend my life pursuing this love, not wasting my life and missing out. It's a privilege to be her husband and I never want to take her, and the love she has for me, for granted. I want her to fall more in love with me every day, just like I fall more in love with her every day, but I can't expect that to happen if I am not pursuing her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the rest of my life.
I never want to get sucked into the false belief that this type of love is unrealistic. The fact of the matter is that we can all experience this type of love, and it comes from being sold out to the guidelines that God has so graciously laid out for us in His Word.
Something which hurts so many marriages nowadays is the media and their warped views of what love is. What our world has bought into is the false misconception that lust is what true love looks like. Because of this too many men and women look at people other than their spouse, compare them to their spouse, and fantasize and lust after what they believe would make them happy. They believe that true love means constant lusting after their spouse and that if this isn't happening, then they must not be in love anymore. This leads to adultery and divorce. When you examine these trends it is clear how misguided we really are. True love is described in the verses above. It is where we make a commitment to love our spouse no matter what "until death do us part". It is where we recognize the fact that love is not lust, that love is just as much a decision as it is a feeling. And the truth that we often fail to realize is that the exciting feelings that come with love are not as a result of lust, and they cannot be forced. Rather, they are as a result of choosing to be committed to your spouse and choosing to love them no matter what life throws at you. When you are truly committed to your spouse in this way, this is what brings excitement, this is what brings the butterflies in your stomach, this is what brings joy and fullfillment in love and marriage. Yes, when you started dating your spouse you had those feelings of excitement that came from a new and exciting relationship, and no, those feelings won't be there every single day for the rest of your life. They will still be there, just not at every moment like you might want them to be. That was "new" love. As you live fully committed to your spouse, that love changes into "old" love. When new love becomes old love, that is the best type of love, because it is based off of commitment to God and each other. It is based off of a committment to love no matter what for the rest of your life. It is based off of true love, not lust. As the Bible says, "Love never fails" (1 Corintians 13:8), but our society proves that lust always fails because lust is not love, and certainly not a foundation to build any relationship on.
Due to the fact that our world is so geared toward lust, we need to always ensure that we are keeping our guard up. Too often I've heard men, as well as women, make comments such as, "You can look at the menu, as long as you don't eat from it". This is lust. This is in no way keeping the commitment you made to your spouse on your wedding day. And this is in no way beneficial to your marriage because you are adding thoughts to your marriage of people other than your spouse. When you add such lustful thoughts you will never be able to respond to your spouse sexually, or in any other form of love, in a way that is healthy. Instead you will always feel like you are spinning your wheels in your marriage and wondering why your marriage is not growing and becoming what you've hoped and dreamed it would be. If we truly want to have the marriage that we've always dreamed of, if we truly meant the promises we made in our vows on our wedding day, then we will guard our hearts and minds and in doing so turn and run from any thoughts or feelings about anyone other than our spouse. Will this be hard, yes, because Satan will always try and tempt you, but God says in the book of James that, "God will never allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear", and he also tells us that if we, "Resist the devil, he will flee from you" and that if we instead draw near to God, "He will draw near to us". Therefore, yes this will be hard work, but God is with us and He wants what's best for us. And if we want what is best for us and our spouse, then we will make the effort to love our spouse as God has designed for us to, and when we do so, we have a whole lot of excitement to look forward to. True excitement!
Thank you God for the model you've provided in your Word which allows us to have that love which many believe "can only be seen in movies".
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